the naked geologist

Awesome Find

Posted on: September 11, 2008

I have stumbled upon this funny links about Geologist: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Geologist

And below is a copy from the website on how to spot a Geologist in the wild, Enjoy! 🙂

look for:

  • Hand-lens, compass, pen-knife, handcuffs etc. tied round neck with string.
  • Someone with a beard and Sandals… Jesus was a Geologist (actually, carpenters back then were also stonemasons, so there is some truth to that statement)
  • Someone who owns a pet rock and is not eight (in the case of paleontologists, this will be their closest friend), with said ‘pet’ often found hanging from keys.
  • Someone with not much enthusiasm on the subject of dinosaurs. Geologists consider an event a ‘mass’ extinction only if 80% of the living organisms die and get buried in sediment for conservation.
  • Someone explaining to airport security that a sidewall core covered in gunpowder residue isn’t really a weapon.
  • Someone who only includes people in photos for scale, and has more pictures of his/her rock hammer and lens caps than of family and friends.
  • Some who, if they could travel to Jupiter’s moon, IO, would think the coolest part about it was the volcanoes and not the space travel.
  • Someone with a collection of beer cans/bottles that rivals the size of his rock collection.
  • Someone lighting a cigarette with a handlens focussing the sunlight, or a coat hanger stretched between the battery terminals of a University van.
  • Someone who brings beer instead of water when hiking.
  • Someone whose lunch consists of rocks, instead of ordinary bread.
  • Someone who consumes tonsil-killing chili for dinner every night of the week, and warms it up in a can on the drill rig engine block.
  • Someone whose child is trained to know the geologic timescale before being able to walk.
  • Someone with hair in a pony-tail (this applies to male or female geologists).
  • Someone who considers a “recent event” to be anything that has happened in the last hundred million years.
  • Someone who licks and/or scratches & sniffs rocks or in case of china clay will eat it to prove its perfectly safe.
  • Someone who eats dirt and claims to be “getting an estimate of grain size”
  • Someone who will willingly cross an eight-lane interstate on foot to determine if the outcrops are the same on both sides.
  • Someone who can pronounce the word molybdenite correctly on the first try.
  • Someone who has hiked 6 miles to look at a broken fence that was “offset by a recent earthquake”.
  • Someone who says “this will make a nice Christmas gift” while out rock collecting.
  • Someone who thinks a “sexual exploit” is lying naked on an outcrop so the satellite will photograph them on the next pass.
  • Someone who hires student assistants with an eye to whether they can run slower so the bears get them first.
  • Someone who can jump start a campfire in wet weather with the judicious application of a beer fart.
  • Someone who from personal experience knows the difference between Arctic grade and summer grade diesel fuel.
  • Someone who even on an average day in the field can make Indiana Jones look like a bit of a klutzy wuss
  • Someone who looks at scenery and tells you how it formed.
  • Someone whose pockets tend to be filled with bits of rock.
  • Someone whose rockery moved into their spare room.
  • Someone who has more pairs of hiking boots than shoes.
  • Someone who wears hiking boots constantly, even for formal functions, and occasionally sandals with (obligatory) socks
  • Someone who thinks of woodlice as trilobites but would tell anyone off who said so.
  • Someone who, when on a beach, will collect shells and try to explain their muscle scars to you.
  • Someone who prefers to explain the sequence of events shown in a cliff face to sunbathing.
  • Someone whose collection of petrified wood samples is stacked like cord wood.
  • Someone who plans extra time on trips to investigate road cuts along the way.
  • Someone who almost crashes his/her car looking at road cuts while driving.
  • Someone who often explains how their boozy coffee with whipped cream resembles a layered igneous complex.
  • Someone who knows the phylum, kingdom, and genus of every ancient creature lodged in stone, some of which look nothing like an animal, but can’t remember his/her mother’s, or spouse’s, birthday.
  • Someone who uses a geologic hammer to halve a boiled egg.
  • Someone who modifies his/her one yard pace to one meter in order to simplify pace-and-compass mapping.
  • Someone whose radioactive ore specimen collection glows in the dark. It is so bright you can:
    • use it to read by.
    • illuminate your front yard.
    • use it as a landing beacon.
    • see it from Mars.
  • Someone who can identify the chemical formula for Cummingtonite…and chuckles like a junior-high kid every time.
  • Someone stuck on the side of the road without a spare tire because it was removed to make more room for samples or alcohol (or the spare is already being used on the other side of the van).
  • Someone who, when asked what this rock is says, “Leverite, so leave her right there.”
  • Someone who walks out of a bathroom and asks if you noticed the fossils in the stall dividers.
  • Someone prone to Linnean mnemonic devices such as Keep Privates Clean Or Forget Getting Screwed.
  • Someone who can only relate to one “Rock Band” (besides BIF): Are We Not Men, We Are Devonian!
  • Someone who enjoys their topography: Subduction leads to orogeny, and orogeny leads to relief.
  • Someone who walks into an art museum and looks at the floors and columns commenting on the stylolites and fossils, rather than looking at the paintings.
  • Someone whose shorts expose way more leg than you ever wanted to see.
  • Someone who rocks the party and is the schist everywhere they go.
  • Someone who can say, “Gneiss Cleavage” or talks about slaty cleavage and means it in a non-derogatory sense.
  • Someone who takes special interest in your granite countertops in the kitchen and after a few minutes will even produce handlenses before giving other guests an igneous petrology lesson.
  • Someone who gets really upset when the countertop, which is obviously mafic/aphanitic/metamorphic, is called granite and takes 20 minutes to tell you why you’re wrong.
  • Someone who can’t use a street map because it doesn’t have contour lines.
  • When helping someone move and you ask “is this box full of rocks?” They answer “yes, be careful.”
  • Someone who always carries a small squeezy bottle of vinegar in their pocket.
  • If you remain unsure, ask the subject to draw an annotated diagram of a trilobite. A true geologist will immediately reach for their waterproof notebook – this is your opportunity for escape.”
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The Man

Hajimbo

29th.Sept.86

Bruneian

follow the journey of a young future geologist who not only devoted most of his time on rocks but things that are just beyond ROCKS! Be entertained! :P

Contact:

thenakedgeologist@yahoo.com

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